Current Mood: Dumbstruck

I don’t know what to think of this.

Earlier tonight I received a phone call from one of the journalists from the newspaper I take photos for asking me if I could work this weekend. No problems, right? I’m not well, but I am feeling better than I was feeling last weekend when I was so dissociated that I didn’t even know who I was or where I was for a time there. Anyway, the journalist asked how I was feeling which was innocent enough because I couldn’t work last weekend. From there, though, things got a little strange.

I answered her query regarding my health with words to the effect of I was feeling a little better. She then asked if I was getting treatment for “it”. “Umm, okay,” I thought, “That’s a bit of a weird question.” I ran with it anyway, despite not knowing what she was really referring to, answering in the affirmative. The journalist then went onto say that she knew how full-on it could be.

Now, like I said, I am not well and, as such, my brain is not functioning at it’s highest or quickest capacity. I let the above conversation slide into what job was on this weekend, what time it was on and what photos the newspaper wanted. It wasn’t until after the conversation was over and I had hung up the phone that I started to fully wonder what the hell had just taken place.

What part of my illness from last weekend was the journalist referring to? What did she think I was suffering from last weekend? My husband and I certainly hadn’t said anything last weekend when we had spoken with staff from the newspaper saying that I was sick and wouldn’t be able to work. We had just said that I was feeling ill and couldn’t work … end of story.

What the hell do the people from the newspaper know? Has some random person said something to them about my mental health issues? They are my employers for goodness sake, and while there is nothing to be ashamed of regarding my mental health or lack thereof sometimes, it’s certainly not any of the newspaper’s business.

So, in essence, I am feeling a little paranoid. Is it something to be concerned about? I suppose not. However, who the heck has been talking to who? I understand that knowing someone with mental health issues can be a little full-on sometimes. I put my friends and husband through some shit last weekend due to how I was feeling and my weird actions, let me tell you. My husband wouldn’t say anything to anyone though. Heck, he wouldn’t even discuss what happened last weekend with my best friend in this town. My best friend would have only debriefed, if needed, with someone I trust to keep everything confidential. The other set of friends who were there last weekend when I flipped out in front of them don’t really understand mental health issues, so I don’t think they would have said anything much.

The only other person who had dealings with me last weekend rang me up when I was self harming and totally out of it. At the time, I automatically answered the phone … stupid me … I usually check the caller id before I answer telephone calls, but was too out of it at the time and just picked up the phone … which resulted in the friend virtually flying around to my place. She saw the blood. She was freaked out by the fact that I couldn’t respond to her talking to me because I was so dissociated.

Would she have said anything to anybody though? Maybe? She might have needed to debrief after the incident and spoke with a friend of hers or something. I don’t know any of her other friends though. I don’t know if they are trustworthy. I don’t know what has happened.

Meh! What does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Probably nothing at all. What does it matter if any rumours are running around this small town of mine regarding the state of my head? I’m a private person, so I probably won’t come up against any of the rumours personally, if there are any rumours at all. It’s just that the only full-time job available in this town for the newspaper has been advertised as vacant and I was considering applying for it. Will I even get a look in for the job if the newspaper knows this about me? Do they even know? Here’s that paranoia again.

What right do I have even thinking about applying for a job with more hours than the two I am currently working? Is taking on the extra job last month the reason why I am struggling with dissociation so much over the past week and a half?

Fuck, who cares? I think I am doing me head in.

This time last week I was feeling just a tad stressed. (Mmm, is that an understatement or what?!?) I was nearing the end of my first training day at my new job. I was thrown into the fire as quickly as possible too. Because of the recent holiday period the administration section of the business was understaffed and there I was in a reception area that usually housed three personnel with only one other receptionist trying to efficiently man the telephones and deal with walk in clients, all the time not being fully aware of how the systems worked. Despite the air-conditioning, I was sweating buckets. However the positive part of the story is that I survived enough to reluctantly get up out of bed the next morning and do it all over again.

By Thursday though, I had been released from the busyness of the Semi Big Smoke office and transplanted to the local office. Thankfully, the local office ran completely differently from the Semi Big Smoke office. There was only one physiotherapist where the Semi Big Smoke had half a dozen of them, plus other allied health professionals all relying on the same administration staff. In the local office, meeting and greeting clients and answering telephones takes a back seat to catching up with all the paperwork from when there is no receptionist present. (The administration staff … all two of us … only work limited hours while the physiotherapist works a forty hour week or so). While no where near as stressful as the Semi Big Smoke office, the local office is just as busy in its own way, although thankfully, it’s a busyness that I think I can handle in a much more successful way.

On another positive note, I will be working by myself in the local office, apart of the physiotherapist of course. While the Semi Big Smoke receptionist and I got along famously, the local office’s other receptionist frankly gave me the shits. She’s quite young and studying to be a high school teacher. As careers go, she will probably fit in well as a teacher at a high school too. As a receptionist though, she leaves a lot to be desired IMHO. Although she does try hard, I have never met someone with less personality than her. I found it extremely difficult to communicate with her in anything other than a strictly professional sense. It was a shame, but thankfully something I will not have to concern myself with much in the future.

Tomorrow is the first day I will go it alone. At this stage, I am not concerned. Maybe that will change tomorrow when I am settling into the job … I don’t know. I guess only tomorrow will tell because I’m certainly not going to allow myself to be worried about it until then.

Ciao!

Current Mood: Sad

Since uploading my “Think Pink Fashion Extravaganza” video to YouTube the other day, I’ve been doing a little surfing through some of the other videos that are hosted by the service. I stumbled upon a short animated gem called “Cat Man Do” from Tandem Films. I can’t seem to work out how to embed the video in this post, so I’ll just give the URL to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmwqpHsMExg. Check it out! It’s really quite amusing, and cute too.

Also from the same company is a shorter video extract from another of their animated films, “Little Things”. Like “Cat Man Do”, it features a person and their cat. It really tickled my funny bone. You can find the little film here: http://chillibean.net/perl/reels-10.0.pl?xhtml=JDCKVPPL&%3bT=WL.

Now, there is another reason for this post. This morning I had my interview for the part-time receptionist position at the local physiotherapist’s rooms. I was happy enough with the interview in the sense that I performed as well as I could throughout it. Out of the three people who sat on the interview panel, I liked the current receptionist the most, which is a good thing considering that if I was successful in gaining the position I would be working closely with her. I’m not quite sure what I thought of the physiotherapist herself as she seemed a little devoid of personality. The practice manager from the main office in Semi Big Smoke seemed nice enough. I guess what I am trying to say is, after the interview, I’m not really concerned if I get the job or not. I think it would be a reasonable sort of place to work in, however I don’t think it would be the best job I ever had. Either way, I’m not fussed. If I’m offered the job, then the extra money will be good. If I am not offered the job then, “Oh well … better luck next time.”

To finish off this post, I want to write about my day in general. Yep, here comes the crazy talk! I felt really off today. To be honest, for the first time in ages I think I was a little disso-y. Things just didn’t seem right, if you know what I mean. I saw fleeting images of gawd knows what out of the corner of my eye a few times throughout the day. To top that off, my mood was quiet depressed for most of the day. All in all, it was a crappy day and I am glad that the end of it is not that far away.

Current Mood: Tired

I worked last night, and for the first time in quite a while I was lucky enough to cover an event which turned out to be quite humorous. The event was the “Think Pink Fashion Extravaganza”, which basically consisted of a dinner and fashion show for the guests lucky enough to attend. The hilarious thing was, though, that the “fashion models” were local community members (mostly teachers … eek!) and, as the evening wore on, they consumed more alcohol followed by even more alcohol. By the end of the night they were completely plastered. You should have seen what they got up to on stage!

Now unfortunately the below video was taken early in the night before the majority of alcohol was consumed, but it is still funny enough. Feel free to take a look.

Oh, I just discovered that the embedded video doesn’t show up on this page when I viewed it in IE7. *Grumbles something not so nice about IE* Use this link if you want to view the video on YouTube.

Current Mood: Ok

My work as weekend photographer for the local newspaper has been extremely quite lately, so much so that I’ve been hanging out waiting for something interesting and news worthy to happen in my little town. Yesterday it finally did and, for my little neck of the woods at least, it couldn’t have been any more exciting.

For some time now, a partnership among mining companies, all levels of government and the private sector has been planning for a new tourist attraction for the town; the (insert town name here) International Coal Centre. From what I understand, it will be something like Longreach’s Stockman’s Hall of Fame in the sense that it will showcase Queensland’s coal industry as the Stockman’s Hall of Fame showcases rural pioneers, life and industries. According to media releases, the centre will include interpretive exhibits which will highlight international themes relating to coal mining, including leading clean coal technologies and the sustainable development of the world’s coal resources. The centre will also provide educational opportunities for school students, exhibition space for local artistic endeavours, a cinema (Yay! Finally, a cinema in town!) and a retail shop or two.

What made this weekend so special is that the consortium responsible for the planning of the International Coal Centre held a “breaking of ground” ceremony for the local community. Strangely enough, no ground was actually broken, but the new sign for the centre was unveiled, and there was free food and drinks for community members and activities for the kids.

The major highlight for the day, however, was the removal and replacement of a locomotive and it’s carriages from their existing home in the park where the International Coal Centre is set to be built to the local Lion’s Park a short distance up the highway. Many community members hold the little train and it’s placement on the highway in high regard so it was bitter-sweet to watch the train being moved. Despite the sentimentality involved, it was incredibly fascinating to watch the people at work moving the thing.

Let me tell you, moving the train was no easy feat with two cranes and a semi-trailer involved. The workmen and women hoisted the locomotive up in the air as the townspeople watched. It was then manoeuvred between the two cranes and gently placed on the semi’s trailer. Sitting securely on the trailer, it was finally driven up to the Lion’s Park to its new home. Who would have thought that trains could fly!

Up, up and away!

See, trains can really fly!

Between the cranes!

Almost there!

Onward ho!

If anyone tries to make out that the work of a part-time, country-based photojournalist (*giggles at the fact that I called myself a photojournalist*) is anything but eclectic in nature then you know that they are either lying through their teeth or they are just purely misinformed. During my time with the local newspaper, I have covered everything from speedway events to the local cent sale. This past weekend was no exception to the eclectic rule. My assignment was to photograph my local town’s inaugural chook races (yep, that’s right … the racing of chickens) and boy was it bizarre.

I arrived at the event fashionably late. It doesn’t pay to be on time to these things because you usually just waste time standing around bored out of your skull waiting for the people to arrive and the action to start. When I walked into the venue I was confronted by four chickens with brightly sprayed, food coloured tail feathers and a small but enthusiastic crowd of onlookers who were chomping at the bit for the betting to start.

Chickens thinking, “WTF are we doing here?”

Betting started slowly but quickly escalated as the “chook wrangler” held each chicken up to the crowd for its perusal of the chooks’ winning qualities. Suddenly bets of $100 upwards were being yelled out by members of the crowd. Initially I thought, WTF!?! These people have more money than brains! Surely this event must be a fundraiser of some kind, before the penny dropped. The crowd members were betting with fake money. D’oh!

Once each chicken had a price on their head, the racing began. The hapless critters were rounded up and, gently I hope, placed underneath two cane laundry baskets. Several times an escapee made a run for it, only to be recaptured and once again unceremoniously placed underneath the basket. Then the baskets were lifted and the chooks quickly ran (umm, actually make that dawdled every which way) towards the finish line.

Off and racing, with onlookers cheering them on.

Now I feel somewhat uncomfortable about the ethics of the event, for example, what would the RSPCA think amongst other things, but there is no denying that the crowd loved the event. They cheered. They laughed. They bet with the same gusto as people who should really be clients of Gamblers Anonymous. The atmosphere as a whole was, well, rather amusing. The only question left is did the event make my town’s weekly newspaper. I will have to haul my butt out from in front of the laptop, have a nice warm shower, throw some clothes on and make my way down to the local newsagent to see if it did.

Happy chickens, happy people?

I feel like I am on a bit of a holiday. I’m house/dog sitting for a friend for a couple of nights while she is down in Brisbane for a specialist medical appointment. The grand (did I just use the word grand? … lol) thing is that she lives extremely close to Semi Big Smoke so I get to feel like I am living in the real world for a couple of days. I experienced a bit of a rush when I realised that last night while standing in line at KFC (yes, a real junk food restaurant and everything!). I’m in the real world for a couple of days. How exciting!

The weekend, of course, was spent in the non-real world, aka the little town in which I live. It was a busy weekend though. My town saw it’s annual May Day long weekend celebrations which included a rodeo on Saturday, the May Day fair on Sunday and the Labor Day march on Monday. I attended each event with the newspaper’s camera in tow. Couple the time I spent taking photographs with the time I spent writing up the related paper work and I was one busy little beaver. I was very glad when the weekend was over. With the way I’ve have been feeling of late, it was a struggle.